Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
