omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
