White coat. Heels.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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