great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She even gives head with a lisp.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
