Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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