i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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