It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
