maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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