I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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