so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
