hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
