btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
