yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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