why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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