I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
