I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
