No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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