You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
