Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
