I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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