I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
