Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He shit in the fireplace
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
