i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
