we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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