Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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