hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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