I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
