is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
