pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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