Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sober January is a disaster.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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