Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am midnight drunk by noon
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
