my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
