I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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