No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
