i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
