On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
