I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
