drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
