Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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