sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
