Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
