well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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