I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
