Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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