you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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