Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
