I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Two words: blizzard sex
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
