her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I supernannyed him into submission
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
