i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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