I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
