I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
