i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
