dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Drunk is not a location!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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