is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
