I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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