Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
